No Space for Sincerity

In our home, we first lived, we first learned. This is where we are mostly influenced. I stand as a living proof. My first school, despite of being a sectarian one, never made me a real Christian. Yes, they let me pray and force to hear mass, but those were only limited inside the learning institution, for when I go home, those stuffs were ignored. In my 17 years of existence, my parents never instilled in my mind the importance of believing in God. I even found it so strange when they once admitted me to a Catholic school, without any belief to Roman Catholicism. But they didn't care, as long as I'm in a good school. And during my days in that school, I never took my Christian Living subject so seriously. I would always fake everything that should be said or written on journals, when it comes to religion. And the most awkward part of my elementary days were those times when our teacher would ask us if we attended mass or not. Everyone answered yes. I, on the other hand, would always stay quiet. I have never seen myself in a church every Sunday, unless there are burials, weddings, etc. And if so, I would end up talking and not listening to the priest. When I was little, I would always love to hear mass, just like my other friends. But, nobody in the house has the interest to listen to a priest talking about God. And as I grow up, prayers were taken for granted. There were some instances when I would try to pray, but I would leave it unfinished. Up until now, I never took them so seriously. It seems to be miserable, but this is my life.